AHMEDABAD, November 23 2004
Made in heaven but arranged with an NRI. Its any prospective
brides dream come true, especially in Gujarat. But when Union
Minister of State for Non-Resident Affairs Jagdish Tytler recently stated
in Surat that there are 12,000 cases in Gujarat of women abandoned by
their NRI husbands, a figure higher than Punjab, he focused attention
on a malaise that has long been hidden by the wedding ghoonghat. A look
at police records in the state, not a single such case registered, tells
its own tale.
A tale that Hetal Shah, a chartered accountant from Ahmedabad, is too
traumatised to tell. Locked up at home for the last five months, she
refuses to meet even her grandparents.
Hetal, who married NRG doctor Ajay Parikh in Nairobi in July 2003,
got a dose of reality on the very first day of married life: her husband
Ajay Parikh told her he was into a relationship with another Gujarati
girl residing in Nairobi. Her wages snatched by her husband, abused
and threatened, she was finally dumped in Ahmedabad a year later. With
Ajay making his way back to Nairobi, Hetal has filed for divorce.
Hetals is not a one-off case. Though its unhappily ever
after for many girls married to NRI grooms, more than 90 per cent of
these cases go unreported, say social activists. The problem, as Hetals
mother puts it, is our Gujarati community is very conservative
when it comes to marriages.
Even when marriages dont work out, we try our best to hide the
fact. Hetal, too, kept this news from her parents for two long
months as she felt it would hurt them to know that the marriage theyd
arranged hadnt panned out.
The excuses these NRI grooms give for dumping their wives can range
from something as small as bad cooking to an unsatisfactory physical
relationship, say activists.
Zarina Singh Darba of Borsad was left by her husband, Yassin Khan Pathan,
a Riyadh-based carpenter, on the pretext that she was a bad cook and
behaved badly with his parents.
Hemant Bhogilal Patel, a systems engineer in the US left Rupal Vinubhai
Patel after only four days of marriage because he found out that she
had failed in the final year of her engineering course.
Salim Rathod, a Muscat-based businessman who hails from Bhuj, dumped
Najma Samrai from Kolkata, saying that he wasnt able to derive
any physical satisfaction from the relationship. He also claimed that
the girls parents had shown him some other girl and got him married
to a different one. Humne police mein report nahin karaya kyunki
humhe lagaa ki aapas mein bhaith kar suljha lena hi tikh hoga,
says Najmas mother.
Fear of social stigma is the main reason why such cases go unreported,
says Mrinalini Doctor of Jyoti Sangh, an NGO that deals exclusively
with womens issues.
We have asked all police stations in Gujarat to provide us details
of any such cases reported to them, but the tally is zero, says
Vijay Gautam, SP, womens cell, CID Crime. Police source say the
figures quoted by Tytler are not official and probably provided by an
NGO.
Asked about the figures cited by Tytler, Malay Mishra, joint secretary
in the NRI division, said: We dont know about the figures,
Tytler is the man to ask. However, NRI marriages have been a matter
of concern for the ministry, though so far no framework has been put
in place to take offenders to task. We have the reports and are trying
to work on it.
Ila Pathak of AWAG, a prominent Ahmedabad-based NGO, says, The
problem is when the boy already has a steady relationship abroad and
is still forced to marry an Indian girl by his parents. The girls are
swayed by the prospect of going abroad. Such marriages seldom last.
The problem of abandoning of brides is a very acute problem in the Patel
community as it is a dowry-oriented caste. The girl is dumped and the
boy vamooses with the dowry.
Ilaben says Muslim wives also face similar situations when their husbands
go abroad for jobs and marry again there.
Police officials says most of these cases qualify as social offences,
which are not punishable under law. Even when cases are registered,
follow-ups are difficult as the boy lives abroad. First,
we have to send a red corner notice to Interpol and then they contact
the police in the respective country so that the offender can be tracked
down, explained Vijay Gautam, SP, CID Crime.