We must understand "Generation gap"

Naisargi had fallen in love with a guy and knew she would brook no resistance in marrying him. So her liberated parents, though a little hesitant, gave in without so much of a battle. They were a cultured, sophisticated urban upper-middle class family, while the boy's people were orthodox in their outlook, hailed as they did from a small town with its not-so-progressive ways.

"Few years into marriage, life became hell. Here I was, a working woman with ambitions and aspirations of my own, and there were my in-laws caught in a time-warp. My husband isn't bad, but he can't seem to do anything to change their views and expectations about me. So I am caught in a cleft stick. I wish my mother had sized me up on these issues, after all she too suffered a lot at the hands of her mother-in-law," she says all in one breath.

Though the younger generation is sure about what it wants and goes for it with a single-minded focus, one often hears this refrain, "I wish my mother had told me about it," when it comes to marriage and relationship. Of course, not many young girls would admit that openly for fear of losing face. What is it then that your mother should have told you about marriage, but didn't?

Adjustment and compromise is the name of the game

Says Neelam Aras, a forward-thinking mother: "Marriage is no bed of roses and any woman who is much-married with grown-up kids knows that it is a different ballgame altogether. Marriage is not only about being smitten by a guy and falling in love; it is something more mundane and practical. With issues of grocery bills to be paid, looking after aging in-laws, and keeping late hours at work with little time for candle-light dinners, marriage is a responsibility, first, and fun-times, later.

"Adjustment and compromise is the name of the game. For that very reason family background matters a lot," says Aras. "The value system, food, lifestyle all need to match in order to ensure smooth sailing. I am not being regressive in my thinking. I am aware that today there are not only inter-caste marriages but across-the-border marriages, but they need double the efforts to keep them going."

Kalpana