NRI parents force their daughters to marry in India

Punjab, January 14, 2004

Massive migration from areas of Punjab has led to forced marriages

For 21-year-old Sikh woman Rupneet Kaur (not her real name), the New Year finally brought some hope.

On 5 January, a two-member team from the British High Commission in Delhi - with the help of the district administration - recovered Miss Kaur from the house of her maternal uncle in a Punjab village in Nawanshahar district.

Her parents had abandoned her in Punjab five months earlier.

Keen for her to marry a man of their choice, her mother and father, who live in the north of England, had taken away Miss Kaur's travel documents, including her passport and ticket back to England.

Lesley Beaton, the director of Consular Services who recovered Miss Kaur, said she had not been ill-treated either by her parents or relatives.

"But the fact of the matter is that Rupneet did not want to get married and eventually the situation could have taken the form of forced marriage," said Ms Beaton.

Miss Kaur was rescued after her friend tipped off the police in the UK, who later got in touch with the High Commission in Delhi.

She is not pressing charges against her parents.
A lot of cases go undetected as girls ultimately fall prey to their parents' wishes Gurpreet Deo, Indian Police Service

Her case is not an isolated one. For millions of Punjabis and many more South Asians settled in the West, there remains a strong desire to marry their children within their community and caste.

They also insist that the groom or the bride should belong to the country of their origin.

And all too often, to achieve their goal, parents end up torturing their offspring, either physically or mentally.

Gurpreet Deo, an officer from the Indian Police Service, who initiated helplines for "women in distress" during her tenure as senior superintendent of police in Hoshiarpur district, feels that the problem is most common among first-generation immigrants.

Recalling her earlier days as assistant superintendent of police in Garhshankar, in the same district, Ms Deo tells of a young British Asian woman, Narinder Kumari, who was rescued from a forced marriage.

Miss Kumari had been employed with the UK's Staffordshire police and had wanted to marry her colleague, who was also in the police.

But her father, Prem Kumar, was opposed to the idea and had coaxed her to India to their native village, Badesron.

"The girl was put under virtual house arrest," remembers Ms Deo.

"The problem is very high in the 'Do-aba' (land between two rivers) area of Punjab since it has witnessed the majority of the migration. A lot of cases go undetected as girls ultimately fall prey to their parents' wishes.

"The value of obedience turns into a moral compulsion that they might regret later," adds Ms Deo.

Inspector of police Ravinder Singh recalls another such incident in 1999, in Chhabewal Village, in the Hoshiarpur district.

Parents belonging to the dalit community (considered low castes in India) were forcibly trying to marry off a British Asian girl.

The girl was rescued from Punjab's industrial town Ludhiana and handed over to the British High Commission, he says.

Another famous case involving a British Asian girl was in 1999.

A 17-year-old Sikh girl was sent against her will to her aunt's house in a village in Punjab, where two prospective husbands were waiting.

She managed to reach the British High Commission in Delhi by tricking her brother.

Ram Tirath Sharma, 70, a teacher who migrated to the UK in 1965, is keen that his two sons get married to girls from India.

"I have not compelled them, as I do not want to lose my sons, yet my wish is that they find a match from India," he said.

"If the girl is from India, she will keep coming back to India. This will ensure that the sons and their children stay in touch with their roots.

"Moreover, the Western women opt for divorce more promptly than their Indian counterparts," he added.
Source: By Khushwant Ahluwalia
BBC News, Punjab

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